Turning 30 (it's getting deep in here)

If you don't like sentimental posts you might want to skip this day ;)

Turning 30 was hard.  Like really hard.  Like mid-life crisis hard.  Lots of crying and laughing at my crazy self hard.

Doesn't everyone hit an age where they think holy crap, how in the world did I get here already?!?!?  It's hard to really put my finger on what exactly happened but over time I started to get this "who am I really" feeling.  I started to think about my life and especially the last 10 years.  A certain thought kept crossing my mind,  what am I missing out on and why?  Don't get me wrong I count my many special blessings but something was missing... ME!

Over the years I have given pieces of me to everyone.  I slowly have lost my identity without even knowing it happened.  I was trying to explain to a dear friend that you never realize what you are doing to yourself until you hit a point you look around and don't recognize yourself.

I have never really had confidence.  I don't mean the conceited I rock confidence but the quiet confidence to be happy with oneself.  Isn't that what matters?  How you feel about yourself? Being nice to yourself is the most important!!  Trust me.

You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you.  I know that weight and looks shouldn't matter.  But it does.  There is no way around it.  I wish it didn't matter but it does.  I want to teach Cadence that quiet self confidence.  I don't want her walking around upset about how she feels about herself.  The only way that I can help that was to fix me.

There is more to turning 30 that I discovered.  Not just the weight issue.  I realized I do have a voice.  No more wishy washy, passive aggressive.  Make choices and be confident in them.  Admit when you are wrong, apologize and move forward.  Don't dwell on things you can't change and if you can change them, well work your ass off to do that.

I can't show pictures of my soul but I can show pictures of my outside transformation.  I have a ways to go but I am proud of what I have done so far and I think that is what keeps me going!

50 lbs down, over 15 inches lost overall and from a size 22 down to a size 12.

Yikes!!  May 2014

October 2014

Before

AFTER

One thing I am most proud of is that I have runners legs again!

And just last night before bed.  Feeling healthy and happy.